Today I am missing my Poppy and my angels so much. I cannot believe that it has been almost 3 years since my Poppy went to be with God. I miss him. I know my whole family misses him.
And doing the March of Dimes stuff always makes me think about my angels, but next month will be one year since we lost our 6th Angel, one year since the doc told us we could no longer get pregnant naturally. I know God has a plan for us. He has a reason for everything that He does. Sometimes He shares His reasons with us, other times He doesnt. But we have to always keep Faith and Trust Him. He knows what He's doing.
"Some people quietly make a difference in our lives and will always be heroes unaware."-A quote that reminds me of my Poppy. He was and still is my Hero.
"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."-A quote that reminds me of my babies.
"May you Trust God that You are exactly Where you are Meant to be."-A Reminder quote.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
32 Days
There are 32 days left until the March of Dimes March for Babies walk. I am so excited. This is our third year walking/foundraising with the March of Dimes. Why? We walk in Memory of not only our 6 ForeverBabies, but ALL ForeverBabies. We walk to show our support. We walk to give hope.
Our team will have shirts this year which we're very happy about.
Ive prolly been driving everyone crazy with my mass emails about the March, but it has been worth it. We recieved an awesome Donation of $250. So, for the next 30 days or so, Im going to keep emailing. And keep emailing. And keep emailing. This is something so important to my family, and the March of Dimes is a very Derserving Organization. They believe that Every Baby Deserves a Chance, and so do I. No parent should ever have to go through what me and my husband have, thats why we support the March of Dimes, why we walk, why we donate and why we ask our family, friends, co-workers, church members, ect to walk with us and donate. I know times are tough and not everyone can afford to give a huge amount, but every dollar counts.
Here isa copy of the letter I have been emailing out for a little over a week.
http://www.marchforbabies.org/team/t1344418 (family team ClarkAngels)
The March of Dimes has changed the name of its biggest event to March for Babies. It's a great change because it makes it very clear exactly who we are walking for -- all babies. It's very exciting to be a part of the March for Babies!
Although the name of this signature event changed, the mission did not. The March of Dimes champions the needs of moms and babies in our community and across the nation. The money we raise for March for Babies will support lifesaving research, services, education and advocacy that help babies get a healthy start.
Our team has joined thousands of compassionate teams across the country that support March for Babies. Won't you please help us in this worthy cause? Join us in the walk that helps all moms and babies.
Our walk will be on April 17th at 9am in Lebanon, Tn. This is something very important to me and Jon, and my Moma (Jeanie). This will be our third yearing walking/fundraising with the March of Dimes. A little history on why we walk:
In 2005 we started trying to have another baby. In 2006 i became pregnant, but we lost the baby due to an ectopic pregnancy. We kept trying. Between July of 2006 and April of 2009 we lost 6 babies, 3 due to ectopic pregnancies, 3 due to miscarriages. I cannot express the pain we went through, the pain we still feel. In April 09 we were informed that we could not get pregnant again without ivf treatments. Through all of my losses, one of my best friends felt her heart breaking for me and Jon over and over. She knew how desperately I wanted a baby, how bad my son wanted a baby sister. But she felt like there was nothing she could do to help, because she lives in Maryland; she couldnt offer her shoulder to lean on, she couldnt wrap her arms around us...so this is what she did. She heard about the march for Babies walk in her town and signed up. It was her way of showing her support, something tangible she could do. That same year Jon and I created a family team here and were raised money and walked. For me, it eased some of the pain. It gave me something good to focus on. The March of Dimes is widely known for its work with preemies, but it also does research on pregnancy loss, ways to prevent. No parent should ever have to go through what jon and I have, and no parent should ever have to go through what my Moma has. This is why I feel so strongly about this organization. I fundraise to help give every baby a chance, I walk to Remember & Honor not just my 6 ForeverBabies (who greatly touched my life and heart) but to Remember & Honor ALL ForeverBabies and their Families.
We will have team shirts this year, my core members who have been with me since the first walk wanted us all to have matching shirts. The girls will be pink, the guys will be blue (pink and blue are the colors on the national pregnancy loss awereness ribbon). They will have our team logo on the front, and sponsors on the back. Were are planning on having a yd sale, hopefully on March 27th, all money raised will go toward helping our team reach its goal of $2500.
We would greatly appreciate any support. We will welcome any new walkers with open arms. So many friends and family members asked me how they could help me after my losses, and my answer was simple, please walk with me. I would love to have at least 25 walkers this year. As of now, we have around 10-12. If you want to walk, you do not have to sign up online, but you can. The link to our team page is at the top of this email, and will be at the bottom. Just let me know you are walking if you dont sign up online. If you are walking, you'll need a shirt, which is $10, and Ill need your shirt info no later than March 18th. If you'd like to donate, there are two ways to do so..online with your paypal account or credit card, or giving your cash/check donation to me or my mom and we will turn in into the March of Dimes on the day of the walk.
Every Baby Deserves a chance, and Every Dollar Counts. Will you please help our family team by signing up to walk with us, and/or donating to such a great cause?
http://www.marchforbabies.org/team/t1344418
Thank you so much,
Heather & Jon
And then I add a little message asking for them to please forward the email out to all family and friends. So for those of you reading my blog, please feel freeto share our team page and the reasons why we walk with your family and friends. If you'd like to donate, go to our team page, Every Dollar Counts, and Every Baby Deserves a Chance.
Our team will have shirts this year which we're very happy about.
Ive prolly been driving everyone crazy with my mass emails about the March, but it has been worth it. We recieved an awesome Donation of $250. So, for the next 30 days or so, Im going to keep emailing. And keep emailing. And keep emailing. This is something so important to my family, and the March of Dimes is a very Derserving Organization. They believe that Every Baby Deserves a Chance, and so do I. No parent should ever have to go through what me and my husband have, thats why we support the March of Dimes, why we walk, why we donate and why we ask our family, friends, co-workers, church members, ect to walk with us and donate. I know times are tough and not everyone can afford to give a huge amount, but every dollar counts.
Here isa copy of the letter I have been emailing out for a little over a week.
http://www.marchforbabies.org/team/t1344418 (family team ClarkAngels)
The March of Dimes has changed the name of its biggest event to March for Babies. It's a great change because it makes it very clear exactly who we are walking for -- all babies. It's very exciting to be a part of the March for Babies!
Although the name of this signature event changed, the mission did not. The March of Dimes champions the needs of moms and babies in our community and across the nation. The money we raise for March for Babies will support lifesaving research, services, education and advocacy that help babies get a healthy start.
Our team has joined thousands of compassionate teams across the country that support March for Babies. Won't you please help us in this worthy cause? Join us in the walk that helps all moms and babies.
Our walk will be on April 17th at 9am in Lebanon, Tn. This is something very important to me and Jon, and my Moma (Jeanie). This will be our third yearing walking/fundraising with the March of Dimes. A little history on why we walk:
In 2005 we started trying to have another baby. In 2006 i became pregnant, but we lost the baby due to an ectopic pregnancy. We kept trying. Between July of 2006 and April of 2009 we lost 6 babies, 3 due to ectopic pregnancies, 3 due to miscarriages. I cannot express the pain we went through, the pain we still feel. In April 09 we were informed that we could not get pregnant again without ivf treatments. Through all of my losses, one of my best friends felt her heart breaking for me and Jon over and over. She knew how desperately I wanted a baby, how bad my son wanted a baby sister. But she felt like there was nothing she could do to help, because she lives in Maryland; she couldnt offer her shoulder to lean on, she couldnt wrap her arms around us...so this is what she did. She heard about the march for Babies walk in her town and signed up. It was her way of showing her support, something tangible she could do. That same year Jon and I created a family team here and were raised money and walked. For me, it eased some of the pain. It gave me something good to focus on. The March of Dimes is widely known for its work with preemies, but it also does research on pregnancy loss, ways to prevent. No parent should ever have to go through what jon and I have, and no parent should ever have to go through what my Moma has. This is why I feel so strongly about this organization. I fundraise to help give every baby a chance, I walk to Remember & Honor not just my 6 ForeverBabies (who greatly touched my life and heart) but to Remember & Honor ALL ForeverBabies and their Families.
We will have team shirts this year, my core members who have been with me since the first walk wanted us all to have matching shirts. The girls will be pink, the guys will be blue (pink and blue are the colors on the national pregnancy loss awereness ribbon). They will have our team logo on the front, and sponsors on the back. Were are planning on having a yd sale, hopefully on March 27th, all money raised will go toward helping our team reach its goal of $2500.
We would greatly appreciate any support. We will welcome any new walkers with open arms. So many friends and family members asked me how they could help me after my losses, and my answer was simple, please walk with me. I would love to have at least 25 walkers this year. As of now, we have around 10-12. If you want to walk, you do not have to sign up online, but you can. The link to our team page is at the top of this email, and will be at the bottom. Just let me know you are walking if you dont sign up online. If you are walking, you'll need a shirt, which is $10, and Ill need your shirt info no later than March 18th. If you'd like to donate, there are two ways to do so..online with your paypal account or credit card, or giving your cash/check donation to me or my mom and we will turn in into the March of Dimes on the day of the walk.
Every Baby Deserves a chance, and Every Dollar Counts. Will you please help our family team by signing up to walk with us, and/or donating to such a great cause?
http://www.marchforbabies.org/team/t1344418
Thank you so much,
Heather & Jon
And then I add a little message asking for them to please forward the email out to all family and friends. So for those of you reading my blog, please feel freeto share our team page and the reasons why we walk with your family and friends. If you'd like to donate, go to our team page, Every Dollar Counts, and Every Baby Deserves a Chance.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Reflections/Ramblings
I had a great day out with my Mom today, but Ive been feeling a little down this evening. Since yday morning, I have sent out 20-30 emails about something vry near and dear to my heart. It was the same email, and in it I opened up some and talked about my losses a little. Anyways, out of all the emails I sent out, not a single person replied, not even one. I wont let it get me down though, or keep me down. Ill just keep sending emails, making phone calls, whatever it takes to get my voice heard.
Earlier while I was thinking about how people havent responded, I was reminded of a time when I recieved a book in the mail for free. (I am an AVID reader) It arrived at the exact time I needed it, when the exact words I needed to hear, and I know without a doubt that Gos sent it. It was about rising above the pain of loss, and trusting God completely, knowing that He has a plan. It was beautiful.
Ill close, leaving you something to think about:
God keeps His promises, and He will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm, at the same time you are put to test, He will give you the Strength to endure it and so provide you with a way out.
~Corinthians
Earlier while I was thinking about how people havent responded, I was reminded of a time when I recieved a book in the mail for free. (I am an AVID reader) It arrived at the exact time I needed it, when the exact words I needed to hear, and I know without a doubt that Gos sent it. It was about rising above the pain of loss, and trusting God completely, knowing that He has a plan. It was beautiful.
Ill close, leaving you something to think about:
God keeps His promises, and He will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm, at the same time you are put to test, He will give you the Strength to endure it and so provide you with a way out.
~Corinthians
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
2 Corinthians 5:18-20
2 Corinthians 5:18-20 (New International Version)
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.
I believe this is one of our duties as Christians; to be Ambassadors of Christ. God uses us to pass his messages to other people. And God doesnt just use pastors/ministers/priests..he uses everyday, oridnary people. Its our job to give his message to our friends, let them pass it to their friends. Share your love for God, and His love for His people with everyone. So many out there are feeling worthless, scared, they are hurting, they feel alone. They need to hear that someone cares, that they are never alone. That God loves them and is always with them. Lets get His message out there!
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.
I believe this is one of our duties as Christians; to be Ambassadors of Christ. God uses us to pass his messages to other people. And God doesnt just use pastors/ministers/priests..he uses everyday, oridnary people. Its our job to give his message to our friends, let them pass it to their friends. Share your love for God, and His love for His people with everyone. So many out there are feeling worthless, scared, they are hurting, they feel alone. They need to hear that someone cares, that they are never alone. That God loves them and is always with them. Lets get His message out there!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Fibro Letter
*I stumbled across this letter a cpuple years ago while looking up info on my fibro. I think it says everything very well.*
~Heather~
1. My pain - My pain is not your pain. It is not caused by inflammation. Taking your arthritis medication will not help me. I can not work my pain out or shake it off. It is not even a pain that stays put. Today it is in my shoulder, but tomorrow it may be in my foot or gone. My pain is believed to be caused by improper signals sent to the brain, possibly due to sleep disorders. It is not well understood, but it is real.
2. My fatigue - I am not merely tired. I am often in a severe state of exhaustion. I may want to participate in physical activities, but I can't. Please do not take this personally. If you saw me shopping in the mall yesterday, but I can't help you with yard work today, it isn't because I don't want to. I am, most likely, paying the price for stressing my muscles beyond their capability. 3. My forgetfulness - Those of us who suffer from it call it fibrofog. I may not remember your name, but I do remember you. I may not remember what I promised to do for you, even though you told me just seconds ago. My problem has nothing to do with my age but may be related to sleep deprivation. I do not have a selective memory. On some days, I just don't have any short-term memory at all.
4. My clumsiness - If I step on your toes or run into you five times in a crowd, I am not purposely targeting you. I do not have the muscle control for that. If you are behind me on the stairs, please be patient. These days, I take life and stairwells one step at a time.
5. My sensitivities - I just can't stand it! "It" could be any number of things: bright sunlight, loud or high-pitched noises, odors. FMS has been called the "aggravating everything disorder." So don't make me open the drapes or listen to your child scream. I really can't stand it.
6. My intolerance - I can't stand heat, either. Or humidity. If I am a man, I sweat...profusely. If I am a lady, I perspire. Both are equally embarrassing, so please don't feel compelled to point this shortcoming out to me. I know. And don't be surprised if I shake uncontrollably when it's cold. I don't tolerate cold, either. My internal thermostat is broken, and nobody knows how to fix it.
7. My depression - Yes, there are days when I would rather stay in bed or in the house or die. I have lost count of how many of Dr. Kevorkian's patients suffered from FMS as well as other related illnesses. Severe, unrelenting pain can cause depression. Your sincere concern and understanding can pull me back from the brink. Your snide remarks can tip me over the edge.
8. My stress - My body does not handle stress well. If I have to give up my job, work part time, or handle my responsibilities from home, I'm not lazy. Everyday stresses make my symptoms worse and can incapacitate me completely.
9. My weight - I may be fat or I may be skinny. Either way, it is not by choice. My body is not your body. My appetite is broken, and nobody can tell me how to fix it.
10. My need for therapy - If I get a massage every week, don't envy me. My massage is not your massage. Consider how a massage would feel if that charley horse you had in your leg last week was all over your body. Massaging it out was very painful, but it had to be done. My body is knot-filled. If I can stand the pain, regular massage can help, at least temporarily.
11. My good days - If you see me smiling and functioning normally, don't assume I am well. I suffer from a chronic pain and fatigue illness with no cure. I can have my good days or weeks or even months. In fact, the good days are what keeps me going.
12. My uniqueness - Even those who suffer from FMS are not alike. That means I may not have all of the problems mentioned above. I do have pain above and below the waist and on both sides of my body which has lasted for a very long time. I may have migraines or hip pain or shoulder pain or knee pain, but I do not have exactly the same pain as anyone else. I hope that this helps you understand me, but if you still doubt my pain, your local bookstore, library and the internet have many good books and articles on fibromyalgia.
Author's note: This letter is based on communications with people throughout the world, males and females, who suffer from fibromyalgia. It does not represent any one of the over 10,000,000 people with FMS, but it can help the healthy person understand how devastating this illness can be. Please do not take these people and their pain lightly. You wouldn't want to spend even a day in their shoes... or their bodies.
~Heather~
1. My pain - My pain is not your pain. It is not caused by inflammation. Taking your arthritis medication will not help me. I can not work my pain out or shake it off. It is not even a pain that stays put. Today it is in my shoulder, but tomorrow it may be in my foot or gone. My pain is believed to be caused by improper signals sent to the brain, possibly due to sleep disorders. It is not well understood, but it is real.
2. My fatigue - I am not merely tired. I am often in a severe state of exhaustion. I may want to participate in physical activities, but I can't. Please do not take this personally. If you saw me shopping in the mall yesterday, but I can't help you with yard work today, it isn't because I don't want to. I am, most likely, paying the price for stressing my muscles beyond their capability. 3. My forgetfulness - Those of us who suffer from it call it fibrofog. I may not remember your name, but I do remember you. I may not remember what I promised to do for you, even though you told me just seconds ago. My problem has nothing to do with my age but may be related to sleep deprivation. I do not have a selective memory. On some days, I just don't have any short-term memory at all.
4. My clumsiness - If I step on your toes or run into you five times in a crowd, I am not purposely targeting you. I do not have the muscle control for that. If you are behind me on the stairs, please be patient. These days, I take life and stairwells one step at a time.
5. My sensitivities - I just can't stand it! "It" could be any number of things: bright sunlight, loud or high-pitched noises, odors. FMS has been called the "aggravating everything disorder." So don't make me open the drapes or listen to your child scream. I really can't stand it.
6. My intolerance - I can't stand heat, either. Or humidity. If I am a man, I sweat...profusely. If I am a lady, I perspire. Both are equally embarrassing, so please don't feel compelled to point this shortcoming out to me. I know. And don't be surprised if I shake uncontrollably when it's cold. I don't tolerate cold, either. My internal thermostat is broken, and nobody knows how to fix it.
7. My depression - Yes, there are days when I would rather stay in bed or in the house or die. I have lost count of how many of Dr. Kevorkian's patients suffered from FMS as well as other related illnesses. Severe, unrelenting pain can cause depression. Your sincere concern and understanding can pull me back from the brink. Your snide remarks can tip me over the edge.
8. My stress - My body does not handle stress well. If I have to give up my job, work part time, or handle my responsibilities from home, I'm not lazy. Everyday stresses make my symptoms worse and can incapacitate me completely.
9. My weight - I may be fat or I may be skinny. Either way, it is not by choice. My body is not your body. My appetite is broken, and nobody can tell me how to fix it.
10. My need for therapy - If I get a massage every week, don't envy me. My massage is not your massage. Consider how a massage would feel if that charley horse you had in your leg last week was all over your body. Massaging it out was very painful, but it had to be done. My body is knot-filled. If I can stand the pain, regular massage can help, at least temporarily.
11. My good days - If you see me smiling and functioning normally, don't assume I am well. I suffer from a chronic pain and fatigue illness with no cure. I can have my good days or weeks or even months. In fact, the good days are what keeps me going.
12. My uniqueness - Even those who suffer from FMS are not alike. That means I may not have all of the problems mentioned above. I do have pain above and below the waist and on both sides of my body which has lasted for a very long time. I may have migraines or hip pain or shoulder pain or knee pain, but I do not have exactly the same pain as anyone else. I hope that this helps you understand me, but if you still doubt my pain, your local bookstore, library and the internet have many good books and articles on fibromyalgia.
Author's note: This letter is based on communications with people throughout the world, males and females, who suffer from fibromyalgia. It does not represent any one of the over 10,000,000 people with FMS, but it can help the healthy person understand how devastating this illness can be. Please do not take these people and their pain lightly. You wouldn't want to spend even a day in their shoes... or their bodies.
Favorite Scriptures
I just thought that Id share some of my favorite scriptures. Feel free to leave your favorites in my comments.
1 Corinthians 13 4-8,13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything
1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Psalm 34:19
A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;
Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 16:33
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
1 Corinthians 13 4-8,13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything
1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Psalm 34:19
A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;
Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 16:33
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
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